Life Lesson: Enemies and Friends

This is a Life Lesson that is hard to learn and even harder to put into action.

Allow your enemies to be your teachers and beware of your friends.

No matter who you are and how you live your life, there are going to be people that don’t like you, those who you do not get along, and maybe some folks that you cannot find a way to like them. As I was thinking about this topic, one former co-worker just kept coming to mind. From the moment I met him, he took a disliking to me. Why? I don’t know. Like I said, it showed from the very first moment we met. I like to think that I can get along with anyone but this guy just did not want to be in the same area code as me. We were able to co-exist for a time. Then, even though he had seniority, I was promoted to a supervisory position where he had to report directly to me. There were several occasions where I thought he was going to get physical when our discussions did not go as he wanted.

Unfortunately, it was not until several years later that I realized how much of an asset he was to me. Yes, he was insubordinate, disagreeable, and I thought he often would deliberately make mistakes to cause problems. But because of this generally disagreeable co-worker, I was a much better worker and supervisor.

I knew that every function that I asked him to perform would be challenged. I had to be prepared to defend decisions. I had to make sure all policies and procedures were followed to the letter. I had to quickly learn how to inspire someone who did not want to be inspired. I also had to learn how to stand up for my mistakes because every little thing I did was being scrutinized and even the smallest error was highlighted.

He also provided one other benefit, and that was that he was brutally honest with me. He did not agree with me because I was the boss. He did not give me compliments to make me feel good. He did not give me answers that he thought I wanted to hear, and in fact, always tried to find a way to take an opposing view. If he did ever agree with my point of view, I was fairly confident that the other point of view had to be glaringly wrong.

That brings me to the lesson of beware of your friends.

I guess the best way to get my point across here is by asking a question. How is a friend actually a friend if they will only say nice things to keep from hurting your feelings?

This is a flaw that I had and still have to fight. If someone asks my opinion or what I think about their point of view, I reflexively want to give the answer that will make them have good feelings. I see this many times when a friend has a disagreement with someone else. I listen to the details of the argument. There have been times where I felt my friend had been a total jerk, without even hearing the other side of the story, but I still told my friend he or she was right/justified/or whatever. I gave them what they wanted to hear.

I know that I have had friends do the same thing towards me. I often ask people’s opinions about my writings, speeches, projects, and so on. 95% of the time, I just get courteous affirmations.

It is the other 5% that I truly desire. While I do not want to be ripped, “you can’t write,” or “you’re a terrible speaker,” I do want an honest and thoughtful response. If my writing is boring or too wordy (I know I can be that) or simple-minded, I want to know. Give me an example. I know I can go monotone if I get lost in thought while I am speaking. Tell me, because next time, I will have that on my mind and will be more likely to not allow myself to mentally wander as much.

So take this lesson with you. Don’t discount the thoughts and opinions of your enemies. Often, they are going to be more dead on that we want to admit. Don’t let your friends’ and family’s opinion carry too much weight unless you know they are well-thought and truly honest. Finally, be the friend that your friends can trust to give an honest opinion.

Keep Smilin’!!

© 2008 Eddy Seegers

Is your business, service or community group looking for a speaker for an upcoming meeting or event. My programs are uplifting and motivational. The titles of a couple of the program are “Caught in a Monkey Trap” and “Life Lessons Learned Playing Little League.” I can tailor either of these to your organization or design a presentation for your unique situation. Email me at lifelessonsbyeddy@yahoo.com for more information.

If you listen to the news media you are constantly bombarded with scary reports directly affecting our health. Super bug infections, bird flu, flu pandemics, and even the threat of bio-terrorism such as anthrax. Almost every report that I have read said that the first and best line of defense against of these is a strong immune system. My research has shown me that there is a family of products out there that can give your immune system the support it needs. Transfer Factor® and the Transfer Factor® family of products. If you don’t like capsules or pills, check out Rio Vida®, a wonderful tasting berry drink. There is also Transfer Factor Chewable. Visit and bookmark the web page. Read The Transfer Factor Story. Click_here for details.